There is a desire to reinvent the wheel. To create what hasn’t been crafted. I’m clinging to the hope that my words will flow and that my heart will be content with what I come up with.
The reality is I’m my worst critic.
The keys sometimes don’t click the way I want them to. I keep going because if I don’t, I won’t realize the endless potential I possess. I’m hopelessly surrendering to the process. I’m going to bleed, sweat, curse, and stare at this screen until I satisfy a thirst.
The man woke up and scratched at his beard. He leaned over and kissed his wife softly on the top of her head that was peeking out from their dark green comforter. She didn’t stir. He wished he could freeze time and watch his wife sleep. There was something comforting about this moment. He felt a twinge of pain in his inside, he tried to stop the thought but it came on fiercely. She will love another when I’m gone. It’s not fair that my days are numbered. He felt something cold and wet fall down his face. He brushed it away with his calloused hands and grabbed the pill bottle next to his side of the bed. He took the pills and got ready for his day. His first cup of coffee went down smoothly. His second he could not finish. He felt nauseous. He threw up before he left for work.
At work, people stared at him. They didn’t know what to say. He smiled feebly and mouthed he was okay. Work made him feel normal. He was told numerous times that he didn’t have to work. He was stubborn. His wife told him so. She loved him and let him have this decision.
He ran his hands over the lumber they received in the new shipment. He took a few minutes to ponder the newness and the potential the wood had. It pained him. At lunch he barely ate his sandwich.
He made it through the rest of the day but with multiple trips to the bathroom. His wife received him with open arms when he came home. She took care of him and he told her he could do it. She just had to look at him. He smiled.
He told her before bed he was humbled by the life he had lived. He expressed he’d been fortunate to know love like theirs. He made love to her like it was their first time all over again. She cried and they held each other until the morning.
He didn’t wake up that next day.
She thought to herself: I’ll never love another.